Thanks-living: Becoming an Appreciative Presence

Imagine for a moment that I've given you a dish of sand and I told you that there were particles of iron in it. You look through the sand with your eyes. You search for these particles of iron with your fingers. But you can't find them. Then I give you a magnet. You take the magnet and sweep through the sand. And the magnet draws to itself the most invisible particles by the sheer power of attraction.

Imagine now that that dish of sand is the life God has given you. And I'm telling you that there are particles of blessings in that dish that is your life. Tomorrow, our nation sets aside an entire day for you and the rest of us to look for those particles of blessing and lift them up. And so you may look through the sand with your eyes. You may go the next step and run your fingers through the sand, searching for those particles. You may find them. You may not. But at the very least, you'll give lip service to the fact that you know they're there. You just don't appreciate them like you should. Maybe you need a magnet. I can tell you that I need a magnet to sweep through that dish of sand that is my life and let the magnet draw to itself the most invisible particles of blessing by the sheer power of attraction.

This evening, St. Paul gives us some help in our second lesson. "Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable," he says, "if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." [Philippians 4: 8] He's asking us to imagine that our minds are such a magnet. He's asking us to use our minds as if they were such a magnet, so that we think about, so that we focus on, all those particles of blessing that are true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, and commendable. And what we focus on will become our reality.

I was blessed this past August to be given such a magnet by which to discover all the blessings, not only in my life, but in our life together as the Body of Christ. Many of you know that Barry and Andy and I went on a cruise to Alaska. During the time that we were cruising, Barry and Andy relaxed and played. I attended classes sponsored by the Clergy Leadership Institute with other church leaders from all over the country, from all different denominations, and from all levels of those denominations: parish pastors, assistants to bishops, and national church staff. In these learning sessions we were given a magnet, a new way of seeing, really, by which to lead and manage change faithfully and effectively. Rather than focusing on the negative -- that is, problems of people, money, or influence, we learn to engage congregational leaders in a substantive conversation filled with appreciation and gratitude. This way of seeing and leading and managing is called "Appreciative Inquiry." The magnet we receive this evening from Philippians is really what Appreciative Inquiry is all about. Philippians 4:8 provides a biblical framework that can unfold through the story of our congregation, through the story of your life and mine. The goal of "Appreciative Inquiry" is to change the conversation -- to stimulate the thinking and the imagination -- through a process that focuses upon the honorable, the pure, the pleasing, what is commendable.

Let me give you an example. Sharon Swing was trained to be a consultant who blends behavioral science with business acumen. Consultants diagnose and solve problems. Until she heard of an approach to change called "Appreciative Inquiry," she didn't really think about how the basis of her profession led her to seek out problems and focus on the negative aspects of a situation before working on a solution. She learned that Appreciative Inquiry, or AI, directs consultants and leaders to ask questions about what the organization knows how to do well -- about the hopes and dreams the people have for the organization and for themselves. It suggests seeking core competencies to build upon and applying those competencies to situations which may need altering.

If she is asked to improve customer service, as a consultant using AI, she would say, "tell me of a time when you delivered excellent customer service." Then she would follow up with, "What allowed that to happen?" With her questions, she would uncover the assumptions behind the ability to provide great service. Once the assumptions are uncovered, she can discuss what will make that occur during every customer interaction. It leads her to ask questions rather than to be judgmental. The questions function like the magnet, discerning particles of blessings in the sand. Using questions like that magnet both challenges her and helps her to build bridges with people who are very different from her.

Sharon was hired to consult in a family owned business. The younger leaders hired her. The elderly patriarch begrudgingly allowed her to interview him. Instead of focusing on his perspective of the company's problems, she got out her magnet, her toolbox of questions, and she asked him, "What experiences in your life have taught you lessons that shape how you run your business?" The stories he told revealed deeper assumptions behind the organization's culture than what she had already observed. She could then discern what kind of change strategies would and would not be successful for them. Her questions worked like the magnet, discerning the blessing in the sand.

Tomorrow, many if not most of us will be seated around the Thanksgiving dinner table with family members -- people we have not necessarily chosen as friends. I've heard many stories in the last two weeks of how folks are dreading this, for all kinds of reasons. I've heard about power plays about who is bringing what dish to the meal, about who is cleaning up, about who needs to get a haircut if Grandpa is going to see him, about this being the first Thanksgiving without a loved one, either because of death or estrangement. I could go on and on. In our families we are not all like-minded. Generations conflict. Religious perspectives clash. Politics confuse. Relationships crumble. In the midst of this awareness, we are called to be thankful, to be appreciative.

I'd like to suggest that we take St. Paul's words to heart tomorrow as we gather together. I'd like to suggest that we focus on those things that are true, honorable, just, pure, pleasing, and commendable. I'd like to suggest that we formulate questions to use in our conversations -- questions that function like magnets discerning particles of blessings in the sand. Grandpa, instead of jumping all over your grandson for his long hair, tattoos and piercings, take a breath. You're going to wonder to yourself, "Why would someone do that to their body?" STOP. Pause and carefully phrase an appreciative question. Try this. "I noticed your interesting tattoo artwork, Bobby. I'm curious. What made you choose those particular designs?" And then listen to the stories he tells. Those stories are engraved in his soul and painted on his skin. Look past the surface and into his soul.

When you get into an argument over the War in Iraq with your brother-in-law, try this: "You seem to feel passionately about this, Larry. I'm curious. What makes you feel that way? What's happened in your life that leads you to think about it like this?" The deeper you go, the more common ground you will discover.

Appreciative Inquiry, taking Philippians 4:8 to heart, is not just a technique. It becomes a way of living, which is really a way of seeing. It's about having that magnet with you ALL the time, always ready to discern the particles of blessing, the assumptions behind another's perspective, assumptions upon which we can build relationships, assumptions upon which God can build a future. It's about becoming an appreciative presence in a world where so many see simply sand. It's the essence of thanksgiving. Some people might call it "Thanks-living."

Bob Ferarri Jr. loaned me a little collection of poems and prose called "Clouds, Clowns and Rainbows," by Joseph W. Barnett. Joe was a long-time member of Holy Cross until his death some years ago. His wife Ann is still here and shared her story with us at one of our Wednesday evening services this summer. Joe's book ends with an essay written in April, 1980, called, "I Learned to be Thankful." I want to share part of it with you this evening.

As a middle-aged male with dystrophy now confined to a wheelchair, I can sincerely say that I am thankful for what I have. Think I'm out of my mind? Let me explain. In no way am I a martyr to dystrophy. I detest this disease that relentlessly invades and destroys bodies, never relaxing its grasp. It's a personal enemy!

What I am thankful for is what I have and what I have had. For more than three quarters of my life, so far, I have been able to live a normal, rather full life? It wasn't until my first trip to our MD summer camp that I truly began to appreciate all of this. As I came to know more and more people who were victims of various types of dystrophy, it struck home that many of these had never even walked... What is it like never to have walked, played ball, danced, or driven a car? I don't know! When I look at these children who may never experience these things, my heart aches for them. I wonder if it is easier for a child never to have walked or to have learned and then lost this ability at an early age. Either way is a difficult experience for anyone.

No, I don't like having dystrophy, but there is no time or excuse for self-pity. Why me? Why not me? Why someone else? So far I have lived a rather full life and have a loving and helpful family. I appreciate this and will always remember it. I'll continue to hope and pray for the day when children are born into a world free of this crippling disease and wheelchairs. Meanwhile, I'll keep counting my blessings and being thankful for all I have. I've been on both sides now. So many have only been on one.

Thank you, Joe, for being an appreciative presence in this world, and among this community of faith. May God give us new eyes and the presence of mind to use our minds like magnets, discerning blessings in the sand. May God lead us to ask questions rather than make judgments. May God give us eyes to see that which is true and honorable, just and pure, pleasing, and commendable. As we focus on what is excellent and worthy of praise, may God in Christ make them become our reality. A Blessed Thanksgiving to each one of you and yours. AMEN.

Pastor Dana Runestad

Holy Cross Lutheran Church
Thanksgiving Eve, 2005

Sources:
Joseph Barnett, Clouds, Clowns, and Rainbows

Sharon Swing, "Appreciative Inquiry" http://www.christianitytoday.com/workplace/articles/devo-appreciative.html

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